Liars are raised by parents
You may feel embarrassed or get angry by reading the headline. But psychologically it is true that liars are raised by parents. You should remember children are like clay, the way you shape it as a parent’s similar way they become. The way you treat children in the same way they will give it back. Actually they duplicate all of your actions. It reminds us of the famous phrase “You reap what you sow”. It is the real fact that parents around the world engage in the practice of parenting by lying, which entails lying to manipulate children’s emotional states and behaviour. All sorts of grown-ups may have to re-examine what they say to kids. Even a 'little white lie' might have consequences. A new experiment is the first to show a connection between adult dishonesty and children’s behaviour, with kids who have been lied to more likely to cheat and then to lie to cover up the transgression. Generally parents say following lies:-
“You need to finish all your food or you will get pimples all over your face”
“If you do not come with me now, I will leave you here by yourself”
“If you do not behave, I will call the police”
“We do not have enough money to buy that toy.”
The psychological research showed that people lied to as children were more likely to lie back to their parents. We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels. Not all lies are harmful. In fact, sometimes lying is the best approach for protecting privacy and ourselves and others from malice, some researchers say. Some deception, such as boasting and lies in the name of tact and politeness, can be classified as less than serious. But bald-faced lies (whether they involve leaving out the truth or putting in something false), are harmful, as they corrode trust and intimacy—the glue of society. We want to be agreeable, to make the social situation smoother or easier, and to avoid insulting others through disagreement or discord. Men often tell a lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better. People are so engaged in managing how others perceive them that they are often unable to separate truth from fiction in their own minds.
Lying can be cognitively depleting, it can increase the risk that people will be punished, it can threaten people's self-worth by preventing them from seeing themselves as “good” people, and it can generally erode trust in society. Lying quickly erodes that trust, hurting both parties in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie, lying destroys one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship — trust. Lies not only grow but they tend to become addictive especially if you have gotten away with a few already.
But in early childhood, lying reflects an important milestone in cognitive development. When children start to lie, it means they understand that other people have different beliefs than they do. It means that they understand that people's beliefs do not directly reflect reality, but vary based on experience. Children can learn to tell lies from an early age, usually around three years of age. This is when your child starts to realise that you aren't a mind reader, so he can say things that aren't true without you always knowing. Children lie more at 4-6 years. Most parents think children lie to get something they want, avoid a consequence or get out of something they don't want to do. These are common motivations, but there are also some less obvious reasons why kids might not tell the truth — or at least the whole truth. Not all kids with ADHD tell frequent lies. In fact, some are impulsively honest, which can create its own problems. But for those who do lie, it can quickly become a habit. When kids with ADHD consistently lie, it's usually not about big things like stealing or cheating.
Parenting by lying in childhood is associated with later dishonesty and psychosocial maladjustment in adulthood. Studies have confirmed that overprotective parents raise the best liars. In other words, children of overprotective parents are good at keeping secrets and lying to their parents to hide the truth. Lying once, lying twice, lying thrice and they end up making a way through lying. Overprotective parenting leads to oversensitive adults, since it can actually reinforce anxiety in children. It has a major role in the development, maintenance and exacerbation of children's anxiety and is linked to higher occurrence of anxiety and depression in adult life.
Here are strategies that stop a child from lying:
“You need to finish all your food or you will get pimples all over your face”
“If you do not come with me now, I will leave you here by yourself”
“If you do not behave, I will call the police”
“We do not have enough money to buy that toy.”
The psychological research showed that people lied to as children were more likely to lie back to their parents. We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels. Not all lies are harmful. In fact, sometimes lying is the best approach for protecting privacy and ourselves and others from malice, some researchers say. Some deception, such as boasting and lies in the name of tact and politeness, can be classified as less than serious. But bald-faced lies (whether they involve leaving out the truth or putting in something false), are harmful, as they corrode trust and intimacy—the glue of society. We want to be agreeable, to make the social situation smoother or easier, and to avoid insulting others through disagreement or discord. Men often tell a lie no more than women, but they tend to lie to make themselves look better, while women are more likely to lie to make the other person feel better. People are so engaged in managing how others perceive them that they are often unable to separate truth from fiction in their own minds.
Lying can be cognitively depleting, it can increase the risk that people will be punished, it can threaten people's self-worth by preventing them from seeing themselves as “good” people, and it can generally erode trust in society. Lying quickly erodes that trust, hurting both parties in the process. Whether it is keeping secrets or telling a little white lie, lying destroys one of the fundamental pillars of a healthy relationship — trust. Lies not only grow but they tend to become addictive especially if you have gotten away with a few already.
But in early childhood, lying reflects an important milestone in cognitive development. When children start to lie, it means they understand that other people have different beliefs than they do. It means that they understand that people's beliefs do not directly reflect reality, but vary based on experience. Children can learn to tell lies from an early age, usually around three years of age. This is when your child starts to realise that you aren't a mind reader, so he can say things that aren't true without you always knowing. Children lie more at 4-6 years. Most parents think children lie to get something they want, avoid a consequence or get out of something they don't want to do. These are common motivations, but there are also some less obvious reasons why kids might not tell the truth — or at least the whole truth. Not all kids with ADHD tell frequent lies. In fact, some are impulsively honest, which can create its own problems. But for those who do lie, it can quickly become a habit. When kids with ADHD consistently lie, it's usually not about big things like stealing or cheating.
Parenting by lying in childhood is associated with later dishonesty and psychosocial maladjustment in adulthood. Studies have confirmed that overprotective parents raise the best liars. In other words, children of overprotective parents are good at keeping secrets and lying to their parents to hide the truth. Lying once, lying twice, lying thrice and they end up making a way through lying. Overprotective parenting leads to oversensitive adults, since it can actually reinforce anxiety in children. It has a major role in the development, maintenance and exacerbation of children's anxiety and is linked to higher occurrence of anxiety and depression in adult life.
Here are strategies that stop a child from lying:
- Establish a Household Rule about Telling the Truth.
- Role Model Honesty.
- Talk About Telling the Truth Versus Telling a Lie.
- Distinguish the Reason for the Lie.
- Give One Warning.
- Provide an Extra Consequence.
- Discuss Natural Consequences